


Dirty Laundry Looks Good on You

by Anime_Pee



Series: Tumblr Requests [13]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Lack of Communication, M/M, Omorashi, more plot than kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-09-26 00:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9854633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anime_Pee/pseuds/Anime_Pee
Summary: Yuuri is scared Victor doesn’t love him anymore, so he takes the Internets advice and indulges in his kink.





	1. Chapter 1

    Yuuri knows, in the deep, logical part of his brain, that he is being irrational. Logically, the few pounds since he’s gained since the off season started aren’t really a big deal. The biggest point to defend this is that Victor still lets him skate whenever he wants, no questions asked, and no resistance given to Yuuri’s requests.

       However, the voice that keeps tracks of Victor and everything he does in regards to Yuuri is a little louder. He knows Victor is busy as of late, never being one to take a real break, but also knows that Victor hasn’t made him breakfast in fifteen days; hasn’t held him close in a week as of today, not even asleep. Hasn’t called him beautiful/gorgeous/ something of the sort in three weeks.

       The killer, though, the thing that made Yuuri rush to a mirror to look for new flaws in the first place, is that he hasn’t said _I love you_ in four days. Which wouldn’t have been the cause of so much panic, probably, if he wasn’t someone that said it _every day._

       He’d once gone on a long (and very public) drunken rant about how Yuuri deserved to know just how loved he is. It had been embarrassing then, and he’s sure Chris or Minami still have the video of said rant, accompanied by quiet but forceful protests from Yuuri in the background.

       Yuuri kind of wishes he could go back in time and force his past self to appreciate the sentiment. In his past self’s defense, he never envisioned that it would go from loud and boisterous exclamation of love to Yuuri being hunched over his laptop at 3 in the morning like some sort of gremlin, browser open with ‘how to get the spark back into your relationship’ typed into a search engine.

       He thinks over every interaction he’s had with victor in the past month, trying to pinpoint the moment Victor stopped being so attentive.

       Had he demanded too much of Victor’s attention? He said he liked looking after Yuuri so much, but what if he’d lied for his anxiety sake? Was it something he said to Yurio? Lord knows that despite how they may seem, they’d rip apart the person who hurt the other without a second thought.

       Yuuri decides that can’t be it, because Yurio had been becoming warmer as of late. He still shows Yuuri love in the weird ways he’d grown accustomed to, so Yurio isn’t the problem.

       Was he just too annoying, now? Too boring, now that the skating season is over? Oh, God, what if that’s it? What if Yuuri is so boring without skating to talk about that Victor is _forcing_ himself to be busy? Honestly, Yuuri can’t remember the last time they’d had a conversation where skating _wasn’t_ mentioned. But that’s just because they both love it, right?

       Yuuri looks down at his stomach and sets a hand on it. He’d gone from competition ready to a bit chubby in a mere month. Is _this_ why Victor won’t touch him; why he’ll barely look at him, anymore?

       God, what if it’s all of the above? He’s fat and bothersome and annoying and rude and boring, and – Yuuri heaves on a choked breath – _and victor doesn’t love him anymore._

        _How could he?_ Yuuri thinks, pulling at the extra skin on his thighs miserably.

       With a heavy heart, Yuuri returns to sorting through the articles online.

As he reads through he can feel plump tears roll from his equally pump cheeks and drip down his chin to his thighs. They roll faster, racing to the edge of his face with every _but it might never come back. In this situation, divorce may be the best option._

    The only other options are open communication, which Yuuri’s stomach heaves at. He can’t imagine how it would feel to hear the words ‘ _I don’t love you anymore_ ’ roll from Victor’s heart-shaped mouth. Yuuri doesn’t think he’d be able to handle the irony of it all.

The other is indulging in his partner’s kinks, but Yuuri doesn’t know if Victor even _has_ any…

Yuuri looks off to the left, a small idea planting itself in his head. He bites his lip and begins a staring contest with Victor’s laptop.

Anxiety never stilling for a moment, Yuuri gingerly gets off the bed. He touches the lid of the laptop gently, mulling over what he’s about to do. It’s an invasion of privacy, he knows it is, but he’s not thinking clearly; hasn’t been, since four days nine hours and thirty-two minutes ago.

He lifts the lid with his right pointer-finger, sliding into the desk chair as he does it. He checks the door, though he knows Victor has been gone for four hours and plans to be out for three more.

Taking a few steadying breaths, Yuur begins skimming Victor’s browser history. Everything seems normal, at first, and Yuuri deflates more and more with every second that passes.

The oddly placed sense of hope he’d received is quickly leaving him, when he stumbles across a blog he didn’t know Victor ran. He furrows his eyebrows at the content.

Every time his thinly disguised name pops up, Yuuri blushes harder. He hides his face behind his palm, but he doesn’t stop skimming through.  

The blog reads like a diary, every entry about Victor’s desperate need to piss or the times Yuuri squirmed enough that Victor thought he was desperate and – oh, God – the time Yuuri nearly wet himself because of his nervous bladder.

Yuuri reaches the part of the blog that Victor had been running before they’d met, and quickly exits the browser after erasing the days history.

Yuuri sits back in the desk chair, heart hammering in his chest. He simultaneously feels guilty for invading Victor’s privacy like this, but also elated that he’s found a way to make Victory look at him again. And all he has to do is _squirm_.

He barely believes that it would be that easy, but he tests it the next day, when Victor has nothing to do. They lounge around all day, and they start off on separate sides of the couch.

Yuuri drinks coffee and waits for the diuretic effects in it (he may have done more research last night than he’d care to admit).

The more he squirms and drinks, the closer Victor gets.

Yuuri doesn’t get up until it nearly hurts, and he reveals in the lustful look Victor gives him (the first in 37 days, mind you) as he says, “I’ll be right back, I really have to pee.”

He sprints from the room to add to the show he’s been putting on for Victor. When he returns, Victor is flushed and looks downright embarrassed.

-

       Yuuri feigns sleep that night, and waits for Victor to sneak off to his laptop. Surely that show he put on was blog entry worthy, and Yuuri flushes with pride when he finds out he’s right.

       Yuuri wraps his arms around Victor’s chest, halting the typing noises and murmurs, “What’re you doing?”

       Victor yelps and slams the laptop lid shut so fast he snags his fingers.

       “Yuuri! I was, uh-“

       “If you were into that, you should’ve just told me.”

       “Um. Okay,” Victor says, sounding dazed and not quite like his usual self.

       Yuuri had seen it coming though, having seen the self-deprecating blog posts Victor had made about himself and how disgusting he and his kink is. Yuuri had been floored then, because he’d never known Victor to be anything but confident and sure of himself. So sure of himself, in fact, that some of his confidence flowed into Yuuri.

       Yuuri reaches forward to smooth the worried crease in between Victor’s eyebrows, and carefully lowers himself in his lap. Victor wraps his arms around Yuuri’s middle for the first time in eight days.

       Yuuri gently trails his finger-tips down Victor’s cheek as he murmurs, “Tell me all your fantasies.”

       Had he been awake enough to fully register what he’d just said, Yuuri would’ve ran from the room, screaming in embarrassment. But Victor’s looking at him with a wonder in his eyes that Yuuri has never quite managed to make happen off of the ice, and he’s beyond giddy.  

       For the first time in five days, sixteen hours and eleven minutes, things almost seem right again.


	2. Chapter 2

    Yuuri tugs on his fingers when he’s anxious. It’s something that he’s known about himself for as long as he can remember, but he can’t remember a single time that someone else had caught onto it; it catches him off guard when Victor gently cradles his face and looks at him like he knows.

 

        “You can always back out if you’re not comfortable, Yuuri,” Victor murmurs.

 

        Yuuri can barely hear him over the commercial for some new Disney movie booming through the theater’s speakers.

 

        “I want to,” Yuuri reassures.

 

        “You’re anxious,” Victor states, rubbing his thumbs along Yuuri’s jaw lovingly.

 

        He thinks about denying it, but the idea of lying makes his legs shake.

 

        “Yes,” Yuuri admits, “but it’s kind of like riding a roller-coaster. It’s scary, and makes me nervous, but I know I’ll enjoy it, in the end.”

 

        Victor scans his face with his eyes slowly. Yuuri shifts with restless nervousness, but Victor nods before kissing the tip of his nose.

 

        “If you’re sure,” he says, not getting out of Yuuri’s space.

 

        “I am,” Yuuri says, struggling to be heard over the opening credits.

 

        Victor looks him over again before leaning back in his seat. Yuuri’s exhale is a relieved huff.

 

        Yuuri sips at the large drink Victor bought him, and said man wraps his arm around Yuuri’s shoulders. He draws soothing patterns on Yuuri’s shoulder, just like he always does when Yuuri’s anxious. He relaxes gradually, until he’s nestled as close as he can get to Victor’s side.

 

        Yuuri glances around the theater as Victor gently coaxes him into drinking more. There’s three septate groups in the theater besides them, making it just as empty as Victor promised. Not that Yuuri ever doubted him, considering the movie came out so long ago; almost anyone who wanted to see it, already has

 

        The empty atmosphere takes some of the pressure off, and Yuuri feels a bit less anxious.

 

        As if reading his mind, Victor leans over and whispers, “You can opt out whenever you want, you know that, right?”

 

        “Of course,” Yuuri answers, with what he hopes is an encouraging smile.

 

        “If it gets to be too much for me, you’ll let me know, right?” Victor asks, resting his cheek against the top of Yuuri’s head.

 

        “You know I will,” Yuuri murmurs, snuggling closer.

 

        “Good,” Victor says, pressing a kiss against the crown of Yuuri’s head.

 

        They’re quiet after that, enjoying the movie. Aside from Victor’s silent urges for Yuuri to drink more of his soda, it’s no different than any other movie date they’ve been on.

 

        Yuuri finishes off the drink eventually, making sure to bring Victor’s attention to the obnoxious slurping sound the empty cup makes. Victor sets it back into the cup holder while softly whispering praises in Yuuri’s hair.

 

        Victor slides his arm down from Yuuri’s shoulders to his waist, and gently rubs his stomach. Yuuri sighs into Victor’s neck, growing sleepy under the soft affection. Victor stares down at him with obvious endearment on his face that Yuuri nearly misses.

 

        Yuuri fades in out of consciousness, never quite falling asleep but not bringing himself back into total awakens either. Eventually, Yuuri’s bladder makes itself known and he huffs softly in annoyance as it cuts through his sleepy haze.

 

        Yuuri blinks away the last of his sleep and pulls away from Victor’s side.

 

        “Now?” Victor asks, running his fingers through Yuuri’s hair. Yuuri nods. “You sure you’re good with this?”

 

        “Yeah,” Yuuri says softly, and he glances around the theater to make sure no one can see him.

 

        Victor turns to watch as Yuuri sits up straight in his seat. He slides his hand into Victor’s as he lets go, letting his urine soak into his leggings and onto the seat. Yuuri’s thighs and butt feel too hot and moist in the cold and dry theater.

 

        Victor’s breath sputters against Yuuri’s ear, and he can’t seem to keep his hands off of him. They travel to his chest and back down to his stomach; he rubs his thigh encouragingly and peppers the side of his face in kisses.

 

Yuuri glances around again as anxiety spikes in his stomach.  

 

        Victor seems to notice immediately that something is wrong, and moves to whisper quiet reassurances into Yuuri’s ear. Yuuri stops the stream before it soaks in enough to spill over the seat and covers his face with his hands. His face is hot with a blush under his fingers.

 

        “Did I do good?” Yuuri asks, panting with the effort to keep himself from going more.

 

        “So good,” Victor murmurs, kissing at Yuuri’s neck in a way that makes him shiver, “you’re always so good Yuuri; so good for me.”

 

        Yuuri beams under the praise and makes a small noise of compliant when Victor finally leaves his neck alone.  

 

        “You okay?” Victor asks, stroking Yuuri’s cheek.

 

        “I don’t think I can do it again,” Yuuri admits, struggling to push his anxiety back down. “Though I might no have a choice.”

 

        He thought he’d said the last part to himself, but he sees Victor frown.

 

        “You always have a choice with me, I thought you knew that,” Victor says, obviously hurt.

 

        “No, no, no!” Yuuri says, throwing his arms around, “I don’t mean you! I just… nervous bladder, you know?”

 

        He laughs bashfully, to laugh it all off, but Victor is quick to move. He pulls Yuuri his feet and wraps his coat around his waist. He ushers him to the bathroom and waits for him to finish up by the sink.

 

        Yuuri washes his hands slowly, and looks up to meet Victor’s eyes in the mirror.

 

        “I’m sorry I couldn’t go through with it completely,” Yuuri says.

 

        Victor frowns again and tilts his head. “That’s fine, Yuuri; I love you anyways, you know that, right?”

 

        Yuuri freezes, staring at the water flowing from the tap.

 

        “Yuuri?” Victor calls hesitantly, when there’s no answer.

 

        Yuuri turns around, water still running, and lunges forward to hug Victor tightly. Victor is nearly toppling over with the weight of Yuuri crashing into him.

 

        “Are you okay?” Victor asks, trying to push Yuuri off to look at him properly.

 

        Yuuri just clings tighter, hugs harder. “I just really love you.”

 

        The words don’t settle right with Victor, not with the way Yuuri speaks them, but he smiles at them nonetheless.

 

-

 

        At three A.M, Yuuri finds himself sitting on the floor next to his and Victor’s bed. Victor is still sound asleep, clutching onto the pillow Yuuri gave him when he got out of bed.

 

        Yuuri glances back to check to make sure that Victor is still sleeping, before turning back around and checking the blog. He knows Victor had updated it when they got home, after asking for Yuuri’s permission.

 

        Yuuri smiles at the terms of endearment Victor used in regards to Yuuri, but it quickly slides off his face when he gets to the part where he could only do it once, instead of periodically, like they’d originally planned. Go, let it soak, go again. That had been what they agreed on, but Yuuri hadn’t been able to do it.

 

        _How many times can I chicken out before Victor thinks I can’t give him what he wants anymore?_ Yuuri thinks, and his knees start bouncing without his consent.

 

        Quickly scrambling off of the floor, Yuuri slides back into Victor’s arms and wills him to hold him tighter.


	3. Chapter 3

                Yuuri is a stress eater and Victor is an enabler. Anything Yuuri even mentions as sounding good, Victor comes home with the next day. He’s elated at first, but then he eats all of it.

 

                Victor seems to think it’s the lack of snack foods that’s making Yuuri anxious, so there’s always an endless supply, and Yuuri is _weak_ for good tasting food. The weakness shows in the thirty pounds Yuuri’s gained, and he fidgets, feeling uncomfortable in his own skin.

 

                Victor doesn’t ask Yuuri to do something with his kink again after what Victor is referring to as ‘Yuuri’s mini freak out.’ Unfortunately, that also means that Victor’s focuses are back on things that _aren’t_ him, and all of the affection and attention that Yuuri had been thriving on the last week is gone too.

 

Really, Yuuri didn’t think it was that much of a big deal. Sure, he’d hugged Victor the rest of the night and never left his side (except to have an even bigger freak out at the foot of their bed, but Victor doesn’t know about that. Yuuri shutters at the thought of Victor ever finding out.) but wasn’t Victor the one that’s always encouraged Yuuri to be more affectionate?

 

                That’s what Victor wants from him, isn’t it?

 

                _What if it’s not?_ Yuuri thinks, staring down at the scale under his feet, unseeing. _Or what if it is, but not from me? Or maybe, he does want me to affectionate, but the skinny, ready to compete me and not… this._

Yuuri subconsciously crosses his arms over his waist, half to hide his chubby gut and half because of how cold the bathroom is. He’d shed his clothes after looking at the scale the first time, hoping, but also knowing that it was dumb to do so, that most of the added weight was from the material of his shirt, or the heaviness of his jeans.  But, of course, it wasn’t.

 

                It was all Yuuri, and his awful eating habits.

 

                _And that my eating habits are all Victor pays attention to lately,_ Yuuri thinks bitterly, shrugging his clothes back on.

 

                He glances at the mirror one last time before sulking out to the living room. Victor’s lying across the couch with Makkachin on his lap, leaving very little room for Yuuri to sit next to them, so he sits on the floor.

 

                Victor smiles at him as he sits, but there’s no affectionate hair ruffle that Yuuri’s come to expect. He scowls and faces forward.

 

                “How are you feeling, Yuuri?” Victor asks, playing with Makkachin’s floppy ears.

 

                “Bored,” Yuuri says bluntly, and he hears Victor’s amused snort. Turning to face him, Yuuri says slowly, “Why don’t we do something today?”

 

                Yuuri knows that Victor picks up on what he means when he frowns.

 

                “Yuuri, you don’ have-“

 

                “I _want_ to,” Yuuri interrupts, moving so his face hovers right in front of Victor’s. “I want to be good for you, Victor.”

 

                He tries to add the sexy purr-like edge to his words that Victor always uses to get him riled up and nearly chokes on his tongue instead. Makkachin whines, and it almost sounds sympathetic. Yuuri refrains from glaring at the dog.

 

                “Yuuri,” Victor coos, reaching out to stroke Yuuri’s cheek with his finger-tips, “you’re always good for me, you know that; you don’t have to do things that make you uncomfortable to prove that to me.”

 

                “I wasn’t _uncomfortable_ ,” Yuuri says, and Victor raises an eyebrow. Yuuri deflates under Victor’s disappointed gaze. “Okay, maybe a little.”

 

                “You had an _anxiety attack_ in the bathroom, Yuuri,” Victor says, pushing the dog lightly.

 

                Makkachin gets the hint and hops down off of the couch. Victor sits up and pats the spot next to him. He tilts his head and refuses to move until Yuuri’s complies and sits down next to him.

 

                “It wasn’t an anxiety attack,” Yuuri says truthfully. “Anxiety attacks are a lot scarier than that, especially to someone that’s never witnessed one.”

 

                Victor’s eyebrows pull together in his obvious confusion.

 

                “Are you sure? Because that was pretty terrifying, if you ask me.”

 

                “I think I know when I’m having an anxiety attack or not, Victor,” Yuuri says, but there’s no bite to his words.

 

                “Right, sorry. Continue.”

 

                Yuuri sighs, before saying, “It wasn’t the act itself that made me uncomfortable. It was doing it in public that got to me, I think. But if we do it in the comfort of our own home, where no one but you can see me well… I’d be okay with that. Because say that you care about me, and you wouldn’t laugh, or try to hurt my feelings afterwards.”

 

                Victor frowns again, and it’s the saddest look Yuuri’s gotten from him yet.

 

                “I don’t just _say_ that I care about you, Yuuri, I _do_ care about you. Don’t you know that?” Victor asks, resting his forehead against Yuuri.

 

                “Of course I do,” Yuuri lies, just to see the way Victor automatically relaxes.

 

                “Good,” Victor murmurs, tension releasing with his next exhale, as if Yuuri knowing that he cares about him is the most important thing in the world to him.

 

                “So,” Yuuri says, “do you want to?”

 

                “Only if you want to.”

 

                “I do,” Yuuri nods.

 

                Victor tilts Yuuri’s head and makes him look him in the eye. He slips his fingers in between Yuuri’s and squeezes.

 

                “I _need_ to know that you’re 100% sure, Yuuri; that you’re okay.”

 

                “I already said-“

 

                “For my sake,” Victor interrupts, closing his eyes and resting his face against the crook of Yuuri’s neck.

 

                Victor’s tense again, and Yuuri rubs his back gently. It feels weird to be the one offering up comfort, instead of receiving it for once. Yuuri prays that he’s doing it right.

 

                “I’m 100% sure, Victor,” Yuuri says softly.

 

-

                “Am I doing this right?” Yuuri asks the next day, settling in Victor’s lap.

 

                Victor snorts, “You’re just drinking water, Yuuri; there’s hardly a wrong way to do that.”

 

                “I could choke,” Yuuri points out.

 

                Victor reaction is immediate. His eyes widen and then he traps Yuuri against his chest, so Yuuri has no choice but to rest his head on Victor’s shoulder.

 

                “Yuuuuri!” he complains, squeezing Yuuri harder, “Don’t even joke about that!”

 

                Rolling his eyes, Yuuri pats Victor’s head and gulps down the glass of water in his other hand.

 

                “You know the Heimlich, I think I’ll be fine,” Yuuri pants, trying to get the air back after gulping down all of the water.

 

                “I keep telling you to stop drinking the water so fast!” Victor scolds playfully, grabbing the mostly empty glass from Yuuri’s hand.

 

                “And yet, I haven’t gotten a stomachache yet.”

 

                “ _Yet_ , being the keyword there,” Victor says bitterly, rubbing Yuuri’s stomach tenderly.

 

                “Not like you wouldn’t take care of me if I did,” Yuuri says, looking at Victor hand pointedly before leaning forward to peck Victor’s lips.

 

                “Mm, I think you just like being babied,” Victor says, reaching around Yuuri to place the glass on the coffee table.

 

                Yuuri shrugs, because really, he’s not wrong. Victor gently guides Yuuri’s face to his before kissing him, slow and lazy but still enough to make Yuuri’s head spin.

 

                Victor’s hands trail up Yuuri’s sides and he shivers. Yuuri heaves a breath through his nose before pressing back harder, and Victor breaks the kiss to start kissing at his neck he way Yuuri likes it instead.

 

                “Good?” Victor asks, kissing along his jaw.

 

                “Ngh, good,” Yuuri confirms, and it’s almost a whine.

 

                “My good boy,” Victor coos, half affectionate and half possessive.

               

                Yuuri makes a noise that Victor likes, so he whispers more praises into Yuuri’s skin, in between kisses he presses back down Yuuri’s jaw and neck.

 

                Yuuri squirms and pushes against Victor’s chest.

 

                Victor pulls his lips away immediately, asking, “You okay? Do you want to stop?”

 

                “Mm, no,” Yuuri huffs, squirming again, “Gotta pee.”

 

                “Really now, mister ‘but water doesn’t make me have to pee?”’ Victor teases, pushing Yuuri’s bangs back to see his flushed face.

 

                “Shut up,” Yuuri mutters, “Just – can I go? Please?”

 

                “Of course, my love,” Victor says, “just let me get the towels first.”

 

                Yuuri groans, “Huuuryy.”

 

                Victor laughs and reaches over to grab the towels from the other end of the couch. He moves slowly to watch Yuuri gasp and squirm. He feeling Yuuri clenching and unclenching his thighs around Victor’s waist.

 

                Victor wraps an arm around Yuuri’s waist and carefully lifts them both up so he can shove the towels under them.

 

                “Go, darling,” Victor says, and Yuuri squeaks as he does.

 

                The stream starts slow, years of being potty trained making it hesitant, but Victor gently presses against where Yuuri’s bladder protrudes breaks the hesitance. Both of their laps warm rapidly, and Victor moans at the feeling; Yuuri moans at the relief.

 

                It spills from both of their laps and saturates the towel underneath them, trapping the warm liquid in a ring around Victor’s thighs. Victor holds back Yuuri’s sweaty bangs to see his face, pinched up in embarrassment but nowhere near as wildly uncomfortable looking as he was at the movie theater.

 

                Yuuri huffs out little sounds of euphoria every now and then, and victor response with noises of arousal. Yuuri feels pride swell in his chest that he can make Victor make those noises so easily, and his chest feels warm under the warmth of Victor’s uninterrupted attention.

 

                Yuuri collapses against Victor’s chest as he finally reaches empty, chest heaving.

 

                “Good?” Yuuri asks, tugging at Victor’s shirt.

 

                “Perfect, Yuuri, you were so perfect,” Victor coos, kissing Yuuri’s head. “Lets get you cleaned up.”

 

                “Okay,” Yuuri sighs against his neck.

 

                Victor carefully lifts him, and carries Yuuri to the bathroom. Victor sets Yuuri on the sink, and starts the shower up. He turns to Yuuri as the water warms, and takes off his shirt.

 

                He drops it to the floor as Yuuri asks, “Are you showering with me?”

 

                “I figured I would. You know save water and all,” Victor says, looking at Yuuri with a cheeky expression that quickly falls off when he looks at Yuuri. “Do you not want me to?”

 

                Yuuri bites his lips. He doesn’t want Victor to see him naked, to see the extra weight up close. It’s bad enough that he touches it so freely, always rubbing Yuuri’s overly full stomach and making him think about just how much he’s gained, but seeing it is a whole different thing.

 

                He knows he can’t say that out loud though, because then Victor would make him talk, and that’s the last thing Yuuri wants.

 

                He startles when Victor’s face is suddenly hovering in front of his, noses touching.

 

                “I want whatever is going to make you happy, Yuuri,” Victor says, carding his fingers through Yuuri’s hair. “Would showering with me make you happy, Yuuri?”

 

                _NO_ , his mind screams, but Yuuri can’t get his mouth to move. Victor seems to understand though, and pulls back after pressing a kiss to Yuuri’s forehead.

 

                “I want to be good for your mental health, Yuuri,” Victor says, kneeling on the ground and resting his cheek against Yuuri’s thigh. He looks up at him through his long lashes and Yuuri’s breathing stutters. “If you’re having a bad mental health day, and me seeing you naked is going to make you feel bad, I want you to _tell_ me, Yuuri; I want to be able to be someone you can confide in.”

 

                “I’m fine,” Yuuri says, hoping his voice isn’t shaking as much as he thinks it is. “I just thought one of us should clean up the towels before they soak into the couch.”

 

                Again, Victor looks at him like he’s disappointed.

 

                “Right,” he deadpans, standing up, “of course.”

 

                Victor leaves after snatching his shirt off of the floor, and Yuuri counts to ten before he pushes himself off of the sink and sits on the floor. He brings his knees to his chest, and buries his face in them so smother his sobs.

 

                Yuuri spends forty-five minutes in the bathroom that night, but only ten of them are spent showering.


	4. Chapter 4

Yuuri sleeps on the couch that night, because he thinks that’s what Victor wants. Of course, what Victor actually wants catches Yuuri off guard, like always.  
He’s awoken the next morning by a loud whine of, “Yuuuuriii, why didn’t you come to bed last night?” and the crushing weight of his fiancé flopping down on top of him.

  
Victor wraps his arms around his chest and his legs around his waist, and nuzzles into him like sort of overly affectionate octopus. The warmth radiating from Victor is such a 180 from last nights freeze that it makes Yuuri feel like he’s experiencing whiplash.

  
“’Thought you wouldn’t want me to,” Yuuri murmurs into the soft material of Victor’s couch.

  
Victor pouts against Yuuri’s neck.

  
“What made you think that? I always want to sleep next to my Yuuri,” he coos, pressing a wet kiss against Yuuri’s jaw.

  
“You seemed mad,” Yuuri says, trying to ignore the shiver that runs through his body as Victor presses more kisses against his skin.

  
Victor slips off of Yuuri’s side and he takes in his first full breath of the morning; after Victor’s rib crushing affections, it’s almost a relief.

  
Victor shifts behind him and Yuuri waits for him to find a comfortable position. Arms slip around his waist and Victor huffs four times against the back of his neck before finally finding a way to lay that seems to work for him.

  
“I wasn’t mad,” Victor says, giving Yuuri a reassuring squeeze, “I was a little frustrated, but it’s nothing a good night’s sleep didn’t fix. Anyways, I’ll always want you next to me, even if I am mad. I went more than two decades sleeping without you, Yuuri!”

  
Victor grimaces like the words leave a awful taste in his mouth and Yuuri smiles.

  
“Can you imagine?” Victor asks, leaning over Yuuri so he can see the wide-eyed look he’s giving him. “It was awful, Yuuri, truly awful; and I never want to sleep like that again.”

  
“Okay,” Yuuri says quietly, stomach souring at the thought of frustrating such a patient man.

  
It’s a quite a feat, honestly; the only other person Yuuri has seen get under Victor’s skin is Yurio, but the kid is a professional at it at this point, and he’s got Otabek in training.

  
Victor moves back into his original position, and hums as he nuzzles his face into Yuuri’s bedhead. Yuuri relaxes in his hold and lets Victor show his sleepy affection. He thrives on the attention, anyways.

  
He stays quiet through the nuzzling and roaming hands, letting it lull him back into the sleepy state he was in before Victor threw his body weight at him. All of the relaxing brings his attention to the one part of his body that can’t, and Yuuri twists in Victor’s hold.

  
“I have to pee,” he says quietly, scared of ruining the serene atmosphere Victor created for them.

  
“Mm, does my little Yuuri want to play?” Victor purrs, and Yuuri feels himself melting.

  
Yuuri pouts and says, “Every time I try to do that voice, I choke on my tongue. How do you do it?”

  
Victor snorts and tries to keep himself from laughing, but ultimately losing it when Yuuri’s face never stops being serious.

  
“Christ, Yuuri, I was trying to be sexy!” Victor complains, pinching Yuuri’s cheek affectionately.

  
“So was I,” Yuuri says, still serious, and Victor laughs again.

  
Yuuri pouts and Victor kisses it.

  
“You’re plenty sexy without it, Yuuri,” Victor reassures, voice low.

  
Yuuri blushes and looks away, and Victor chuckles.

  
“I want to play,” Yuuri murmurs.

  
“Yeah?” Victor asks, tracing Yuuri’s blush with a finger-tip.

  
“Yeah,” Yuuri says.

  
Victor pushes Yuuri onto his back and straddles his lap. Yuuri feels Victor’s body weight press down onto bladder and his body instinctively tenses.

  
“Let me know if I go too far, or do something that makes you uncomfortable, okay?” Victor says, and Yuuri nods. “I need to hear you say it, Yuuri.”

  
“I will,” Yuuri says quickly, and Victor smiles.

  
“Good boy,” he coos, gently scratching Yuuri’s sides with his nails.

  
Yuuri’s stomach flinches at the tickle, and Victor gives him a mischievous smile.

  
“Okay?” Victor asks, hands hovering above Yuuri’s body.

  
“Okay,” Yuuri confirms, and Victor continues to gently tickle Yuuri’s stomach.

  
Yuuri’s body heaves with laughter, and he twists and turns under Victor. He twists his legs together, and Victor stops his tickling, smiling at him with admiration.

  
“That’s my favorite sound in the world,” Victor murmurs.

  
“Cheesy,” Yuuri heaves in between pants.

  
“Mm, but true,” Victor hums, leaning down to kiss Yuuri sweetly, and push his shirt up.

  
Victor pulls back and runs his hands down along Yuuri’s body. They seek out the small swell of Yuuri’s bladder protruding through his skin, and press down, swift but gently.

  
Yuuri groans at the sudden pressure, every muscle clenching without him even giving it a thought.

  
“That okay?” Victor asks, tracing the outline Yuuri’s bladder makes in his skin.

  
“A little uncomfortable, but only because I’m pretty full,” Yuuri says, blush creeping up his neck.

  
“I’ll be careful,” Victor promises, and Yuuri nods.

  
Victor creates a rhythmic pattern of rubs and presses against Yuuri’s bladder. Yuuri bites his thumb to muffle his moans and groans, but Victor can still hear them. Yuuri curls his toes and tenses everything to the point of aching muscles.

  
Victor leans forward and mouths at his neck. Yuuri reaches up and grasps onto Victor’s side, trying to find some sort of purchase on something physical to keep himself rooted in the present.

  
“Still okay? Need me to stop?” Victor asks, trading out the rubs and presses for swipes of his thumb, back and forth.

  
“No,” Yuuri groans, forcing his jaw to stop clenching against the pad of his thumb, “keep going.”

  
“Anything for you, my good boy,” Victor says, using that fucking voice again.

  
Yuuri crosses his arms over his face as Victor goes back to pressing against his bladder. He rubs the area around the swell before pressing digging the heel of his hand on it directly, and Yuuri jerks forward.

  
“Ngh, Victor, I’m gonna,” Yuuri tries, and Victor murmurs praises and encouragements above him.

  
Yuuri releases his pent-up piss with a soft sigh and Victor sits back to watch Yuuri saturate his pants. It spreads across Yuuri’s crouch and wets Victor ass as it spreads under him.

  
It spills over the side of the couch and onto the floor. The splattering sound accompanies Yuur’s soft huffs of relief and the moans Victor’s muffling against his wrist.  
Yuuri arches his back and pushes the liquid out faster. Victor groans at the sudden rush his feels against his thigh and he runs his hands up Yuuri’s wet stomach. He leans forward and rests his forehead against Yuuri’s chest as Yuuri finally reaches empty.

  
“Definitely sexy without the voice,” Victor pants and Yuuri squirms at the praise. “Can I shower with you this time?”

  
Yuuri bites his lip and looks down.

  
“Okay,” Victor says, pulling Yuuri’s lip free from his teeth and resting his thumb against Yuuri’s bottom lip, “but please, sleep in our bed with me tonight. I can never be mad at something you need, my little worry wort.”

  
“Okay,” Yuuri says, lips fluttering against Victor’s thumb.

  
Victor leans forward and kisses him sweetly again.


	5. Chapter 5

Yuuri accompanies Victor to the ice-rink the next morning. He doesn’t plan to skate himself, but he’d never pass up a chance to watch Victor skate up close.

Yurio’s skating as well, and his boyfriend, Minami, keeps Yuuri company as they watch. Or, well, that was the plan, but Yuuri could feel the conversation slowly shift to one-sided every time Yurio glided past them, so he eventually just falls silent as well.

It’s not entirely silent though, with a gasp or squeal of delight and awe from Minami accompanying Yurio’s every move. Yuuri can see the look of exasperated fondness on Yurio’s face every time he looks over at them, and Yuuri wonders if Victor still looks at him like that.

“You’re going to have a few pounds to lose before next season again, huh?” Minami asks, not unkindly.

He knows Minami means no harm; it’s friendly teasing, really, and Phichit does it all the time when they FaceTime. Still, Yuuri crosses his arms in front of himself self-consciously.

“Uh,” Yuuri says, “Yeah.”

Minami nods with his usual amount of enthusiasm, hair flopping in and out of his face with the bob of his head.

“I wish I could lose weight that fast,” Minami sighs wistfully.

Before Yuuri can assure him that he’s a perfect weight, one Yuuri wishes he still had, Minami is over his plight faster than it began. Yuuri blinks, and Minami is back to making noises at Yurio’s performance.

I wish I could get over things that easily, too, Yuuri thinks, watching Minami give Yurio a wide, toothy grin.

Yuuri shifts his attention back to the Russian skaters, but Minami’s comment sticks in the back of his head. He can feel himself beginning to compare himself to all the perfect bodies around him, despite knowing that it’s an self-esteem ruining habit.

He compares their every curve to his own, every refined muscle to the ones he’s steadily been losing while on break, and it’s soul crushing, honestly. He can see the outline of Mila’s ribs under her skin and shirt every time she bends her back just so, and Yuuri presses his fingers into the soft flesh that encases his own.

He watches Yurio’s unfairly thin body bend itself into shapes that would just compress his own fat, and make it more noticeable. Victor himself is all sharp lines and muscles, even when he’s on his off seasons, and while Yuuri had always been enamored with Victor while he skates, watching he be so masculine while also being beautiful and gentle just makes Yuuri feel… Inadequate; undeserving.

He wants to look like them, to be able to bend his body again without it pushing his fat into the spotlight, to be the beautiful boyfriend that Victor smothers in his affections again. He wants to love as fearlessly as Minami and Yurio, who keep the worst aspects of themselves on display for the other to see (Yurio’s snappiness, and the way Minami stops caring for himself when he gets sad, sometimes) because they have faith in someone else’s ability to love them unconditionally.

Yuuri wishes that he could feel the love other people show they have for him at all times, without the stupid block in his head; he wants to be able to get himself to believe that when Victor shows he cares, that he means it.

Wants, wants, wants, but can’t have unless he works for it, and Yuuri is so tired.

He pulls his phone from his pocket and sends Victor a vague message about not feeling well, before leaving and walking back to Victor’s house by himself.

-

Victor crashes through the house when he returns from the ice rink. Yuuri feels his lips curl up in the tiniest of smiles at the familiar sounds of his fiancé looking for him.

“Yuuuuri,” Victor whines, walking right past the lump Yuuri has made himself into on the couch and sauntering off into the kitchen instead.

Yuuri watches Victor walk past again with a pout, peeking at him from under the blankets he’d piled on top of himself. He shakes his head at just how unobservant Victor is, before finally taking pity on him.

“Here,” Yuuri says, sticking his hand out of the warmth of the blankets and into the cold of the air.

“Yuuri!” Victor says, flopping down on top of him.

Yuuri huffs out a quiet ‘oof’ at the sudden weight.

“Were you hiding from me?”

“I wasn’t hiding,” Yuuri says, rolling his eyes fondly. “You’re just incredibly unobservant.”

Victor hums and leans forward to nuzzle his face against Yuuri’s neck, dropping his offended front in favor of cuddling. Yuuri smiles and runs his fingers through Victor’s hair. It’s still cold to the touch.

“Are you feeling any better?” he asks, slipping off to the side of the couch.

“Yeah,” Yuuri lies, settling them so he hold Victor to his chest comfortably, “I guess I was just tired.”

“Mm,” Victor hums, eyelids fluttering sleepily, “You do always feel a bit nauseous when you don’t sleep enough.”

“Yeah,” Yuuri says lamely.

Victor stretches and Yuuri flinches at the popping noise that comes from both of his fiancé’s wrist.  He grins at him mischievously and Yuuri frowns.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Yuuri warns, jerking as far back into the couch as he can.

He complaints seem to fall on deaf ears, because Victor reaches forward and twirls his wrist. Each full circle is followed by a small popping noise, and Yuuri tries to shove Victor’s wrist way.

“Ew, Victor!” Yuuri complains, fending off Victor’s advances, “That’s gross, stop! You’re so disgusting, I swear to God!”

Victor looks at him in horror and Yuuri sighs.

“Noo!” Victor wails, failing around the couch over-dramatically, “My precious Yuuri thinks I’m disgusting! How will I ever go on?”

“Oh, my God,” Yuuri says, feeling his face slip into a soft, fond expression. “Stop it, you nerd.”

“Now I’m a nerd!” Victor screeches, loud enough that Makachin huffs a breath and walks from the room.

Yuuri watches the dog leave with a small smile on his face. Victor starts his failing again to bring Yuuri’s attention back to him, and Yuuri narrowly avoids getting smacked in the face by the back of Victor’s wrist.

“Victor!”

Yuuri lunges forward, but it’s too late. Victor topples off of the couch with a surprised woosh of air, and lands with a dull thud. He flinches and groans.

“Are you okay?” Yuuri asks, reaching out to stroke hair and trying to smother his laughter in his other palm at the same time.

Victor response with a distressed sounding hiss, and Yuuri frowns. He swings his legs around and slips down onto the floor behind Victor.

“Seriously, are you okay?” Yuuri asks again, rubbing VIctor’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Victor says through clenched teeth, “Just, I was going to ask you if you would mind trying something new.”

“Something new?” Yuuri asks, tilting his head.

“I wanted to be the one to hold it this time, if it was okay with you, and I - nggh - held it all practice, in case you said yes, but I think falling off the couch did me in.”

“Did you in,” Yuuri echoes, following the lines of Victor’s tense back to where his thighs are clenched together tight enough to look painful.

There’s an undeniable wet spot by where Victor is laying, and it finally clicks in Yuuri’s head.

“Oh. Oh,” Yuuri repeats, reaching behind him, “Just hold on, okay, just a few seconds and - okay! Okay, you can go.”

Victor shifts against the blanket Yuuri had stuffed under him, figuring it would be easier to clean than the carpet, and then there’s a loud hissing noise in the otherwise quiet room. Victor leans his head back and moans, and Yuuri flushes at how alluring it all is.

Yuuri wonders, briefly, if this is how Victor felt when Yuuri had done this, but before he can dwell on it, a sharp jerk of Victor’s shoulders catches Yuuri’s attention. Yuuri tilts his head to see Victor’s face better, and then panics.

It’s not the first time Yuuri has seen Victor cry. There had been that time in the hotel room, a few different times when Victor found some new sad song that he gets a little too into, and, of course, every time the commercial with all the sad and homeless animals plays.

This feels different though, because Victor isn’t crying from anger or from something that’s entire design is to make you feel whatever it is they want you to feel. It sounds genuinely sad, and Yuuri has dealt with this before.

“Oh my God,” Yuuri says, hands hovering above Victor’s body, unsure if he can touch him. “Why are you crying? What’s wrong? Did you actually hurt yourself on the way down? Victor, what do I do?”

Victor looks up, alarmed by the distress in Yuuri’s voice, and gently catches his wrists. Yuuri stares at him with wide eyes and he moves himself into a sitting position, close enough that they’re knees touch.

“I’m okay, Yuuri,” Victor says, voice soft and soothing.

Yuuri feels awful, because Victor is the one crying while also being the one offering comfort, but he doesn’t know what to do to fix it, or make the tears stop. It seems like they got faster when Yuuri called out for Victor’s help.

“Why are you crying?” Yuuri sniffs, reaching out for VIctor’s shoulders so he can pull him close.

Victor collapses against Yuuri’s chest, suddenly seeming much more exhausted then he did a few seconds ago.

“It’s nothing,” Victor reassures him, “I’ve just been a little more stressed than usual lately, and I guess it decided to all come out at once.”

Yuuri can feel Victor smirk against his throat, and he’s grateful that Victor is still smiling at his dumb jokes. That means that things aren’t completely falling a part right now.

“I’m sorry,” Victor says, reaching up to rub the snot and tears off of his face, “that wasn’t very sexy at all, was it?”

“It’s okay,” Yuuri says, automatically, “it was what you needed; I can never be mad about something that makes you feel better.”

Victor laughs against Yuuri’s pulse in his neck.

“That’s my line,” Victor says softly, and Yuuri cradles Victor closer.

“It’s okay,” Yuuri murmurs, burying his face into Victor’s hair, “You’re okay, Victor.”

Victor laughs again, but it quickly dissolves into body wracking sobs. Yuuri squeezes him as tight as his muscles will allow, and hums the tune of Victor’s favorite song in his ear.

I can’t believe I forgot, Yuuri thinks, that sometimes Victor needs me, too.


	6. Chapter 6

I hope this works Yuuri thinks, balancing the tray of food on his upper-arm. He pushes the door to his and Victor’s bedroom open, and carefully creeps towards the bed. Avoiding the parts of the floor that creak, Yuuri makes his way to where Victor still sleeps.

Yuuri places the tray of various breakfast foods on the spot of the bed that he usually sleeps on. Crawling cautiously onto the bed, Yuuri plops down on top of Victor. Victor jerks at the sudden weight on top of him, but hums contently.

“‘Mornin’, Yuuri,” Victor says sleepily, affectionally rubbing his nose against Yuuri’s.

“Good morning,” Yuuri smiles, before leaning down and resting against Victor.

Arms circle around his waist, and Victor lets out a tiny sigh.

“I love morning cuddles,” Victor murmurs, running his hands up and down Yuuri’s back, “but you rarely initiate them. And I’m quite certain you’ve never delivered breakfast in bed before. What’s the occasion?”

Blushing, Yuuri says, “Well, I figured since last night you wanted to try something new, but it didn’t exactly work out in your favor and you…”

“Pissed myself like a child, yes, I remember. Please, do go on,” Victor says, and Yuuri can hear the teasing in his voice.

Yuuri gently slaps his chest. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. Say you’re sorry.”

“To myself?” Victor asks, trying to maneuver himself to meet Yuuri’s eyes.

“Yes,” Yuuri says, stubbornly pulling back so Victor can’t kiss his nose.

Victor tries again and Yuuri makes a displeased noise as he yanks himself away.

“Fine,” Victor sighs, “I’m sorry, Victor; it won’t happen again. Now can I kiss you?”

Yuuri pretends to think it over and Victor pouts at him.

“When I’m done talking,” Yuuri decides, and Victor beams at him. “Anyways, I thought since it didn’t go well, we could try again? Only if you want, of course, I understand if it’s too soon, but… yeah.”

Yuuri finishes lamely, and Victor drops his head back against his pillow.

“You’re so good to me, my Yuuri,” Victor says, squeezing Yuuri tight. “I’d love to try again for you, if you’d let me.”

“Of course,” Yuuri says, rolling off of Victor. “How are you now? Do you want to go pee before we start, or do you just want to start?”

Victor wiggles his hips to determine how much liquid filled his bladder overnight.

“It depends on how long you want it to be, I guess. If you want it to go on for a while, I should probably go now. I usually have to go pretty bad when I first wake up,” Victor says, pink dusting his cheeks.

Yuuri runs his finger-tips over the pink in fascination as he says, “I want whatever is going to be the most comfortable for you.”

“So good to me,” Victor coos again, leaning into Yuuri’s hand, “I’ll wait.”

Yuuri nods. He turns to the food and cuts up the steadily cooling pancakes.

“Sit up, please,” he says, turning back to Victor with a bite-sized bit hanging off of a fork.

He cups his hand under it so none of the syrup will get on the bedsheets. Victor sits up happily and leans against the headboard. Yuuri feeds him slowly, and Victor seems to glow under all the attention.

After finishing off the food, Yuuri hands him a glass of water.

“Drink as much as you can,” Yuuri instructs, placing the now empty tray onto the floor.

He sets the dirty pancake plate on top of it and sits back to watch Victor drink. He maintains eye-contact with Yuuri as he downs it all in one go, and Yuuri shivers.

“Weren’t you the one that told me to not give myself a stomachache?” Yuuri asks, gingerly taking the glass from Victor’s hand.

Victor simply laughs and lays back against the bed. Yuuri straddles him, mindful not to sit on his bladder, and looks up at Victor for permission.

“Do whatever you want, Yuuri,” Victor says, closing his eyes, “I trust you.”

The words fill Yuuri with warmth, and he gently tugs Victor pajama bottoms and boxers down over his thighs. Yuuri marvels at the swell of Victor bladder; he’s thinner than Yuuri, and capable of holding much more liquid, so the bump protrudes more than Yuuri’s own does when Victor feeds him water.

Yuuri can’t help himself; he drums his fingers against Victor’s skin, in much more gentle recreation of the pleasant torture Victor puts Yuuri’s bladder through. Still, Victor groans softly and squeezes his eyes shut tighter.

His thighs clench under Yuuri, and he takes Victor’s hand and squeezes it in apology. Getting an idea, Yuuri carefully gets off of Victor and snatches the glass off of the floor.

He walks to the bathroom connected to their bedroom, and fills it with warm water. Yuuri walks back into the room and settles himself back onto Victor’s thighs.

He seems to have relaxed in Yuuri’s absence, years ahead of Yuuri in the art of holding his bladder. Yuuri’s almost jealous of the ease in his husband; if it were him, he’d be squirming and begging Victor to just let him go already.

Yuuri dips his fingers into the warm water, and then moves them to hang over Victor’s bladder. The water slowly rolls down his finger-tips and drips onto Victor’s skin.

Victor jerks at the sudden feeling, but only a little. Dissatisfied, Yuuri moves off of his fiancé’s body and removes the bottom half of his clothes completely. Victor flexes his feet to make pulling off easier, but he still doesn’t open his eyes.

Yuuri drizzles the warm water over Victor’s boxers before sliding them back up his legs.

He lets the waistband snap against Victor’s skin, and he suddenly jerks into a sitting position with a loud yelp of, “Shit!”

Startled, Yuuri jumps.

“Did I do something wrong?” Yuuri asks miserably, only wanting to make this as fun and challenging as Victor does for him.

Dumbfounded, Victor looks at Yuuri with an impressed look. “I’m not even close to my usual limit, and you made me leak. Hell, I thought I’d lost it already. It’s like the need suddenly tripled, where the hell did you learn how to do that?”

  Yuuri blushes and says, “O-oh, um. Warm water makes me have to pee? Like a lot? So I thought, you know, maybe it wasn’t just me? Also, when I… leak, feeling the wet and warm down there and how good the leak felt kind of… changes my thought process, I guess? Like, I’ll go from no I have to hold on longer for Victor to but letting it out would feel so good, and-“

“Stop!” Victor whines, grasping himself and bending forward at the waist. “Yuuri, I haven’t peed in almost twelve hours, you can’t tease me like that!”

Yuuri blush depends in color. “Sorry.”

Victor wiggles around the bed tries to regain control of himself. Meanwhile, Yuuri lets himself succumb to his curiosity and drizzles a tiny bit of the warm water on himself. He hisses as his bladder goes from empty and content to suddenly throbbing.

“Does Yuuri want to play too?” Victor coos, suddenly very close Yuuri’s ear.

Yuuri jumps, not realizing that Victor had moved closer to him. “I was just curious, and watching you squirm made me have to go, so…”

Victor nods thoughtfully. “Hmm, getting desperate together, now there’s an idea.”

Yuuri blushes at the idea, but he has to admit that he likes it. “Next time. This time is all about you.”

Victor groans at the words, and drops his forehead against Yuuri’s shoulder. Yuuri gently pushes against Victor bladder and Victor wiggles his hips. Yuuri pushes against his chest and guides Victor into a laying position.

He lets a few more drops of the water drop onto Victor’s skin, and starts rubbing it around. Victor whines under him, but it’s the good, aroused whine that Yuuri is used to, so keeps going. He alternates between the water and his hand, and it isn’t long before Victor shoves him off and hightails it to the bathroom.

Yuuri trails after him, and finds him hopping from one foot to the other.

“You didn’t go yet?” Yuuri asks, surprised.

“You always wait for me, so I did the same for you,” Victor says, trailing off into a whine.

Yuuri smiles fondly and closes the door behind them, despite the fact that they live alone.

“I have to go so bad, Yuuri, please, please let me.”

“Of course,” Yuuri says, “Of course you can.”

Yuuri expects him to tears off his boxers, but Victor surprises him by sitting on the toilet with his boxers sill on. Yuuri and Victor groan in sync, for two completely different reasons.

Yuuri listens to Victor go, willing his own bladder to be still. Of course, it doesn’t listen and Yuuri crosses his legs. Victor notices and, still peeing, reaches out for Yuuri, leaving it out for him to decide. Yuuri accepts the offer, and sits on Victor’s thighs.

Victor spreads his legs open further and Yuuri sighs softly as he starts his own stream. Victor finishes first, and whispers quiet praises into Yuuri’s skin as his stream tampers off.

“Sorry,” Yuuri laughs breathlessly, “this one was supposed to be about you, and my stupid pea sized bladder ruined it.”

“Mm, I got to piss myself and see you piss yourself - that’s about as about me as it gets,” Victor says, but his voice sounds off.

Yuuri frowns and makes Victor look at him. “Oh, God, you’re crying again, are you okay?”

There’s too much emotion in the words for even Victor to make a joke out of it.

“I’m fine, my little worry wort; I’ve just never pissed myself in front of someone since being potty trained, and it’s a bit embarrassing. It’s knee jerk reaction more than anything, I’m completely fine. More than fine, honestly.”

“It’s me,” Yuuri says softly, wiping the tears away, “you don’t have to be embarrassed about anything when it’s me.”

“I know,” Victor says, squeezing Yuuri tightly, “trust me, I know.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Mm, Yuuri, hurry; I don’t know how much longer I can wait for you,” Victor says, leaning against the edge of the bathtub.

“Me neither,” Yuuri admits, wiggling his hips with a soft whine.

“Come on, then,” Victor says, reaching his hand out to Yuuri with a small smile.

Taking Victor’s hand, Yuuri lets himself be pulled closer to the tub. He steps in and lowers himself into the nearly boiling water, taking care to not jostle his bladder too much. He groans once he’s fully submerged in the water.

“This is nearly impossible,” he gripes, clenching all of his muscles.

“Mm,” Victor hums, reaching out to stroke Yuuri’s cheek, “Then you shouldn’t have given me new ideas, should you have?”

Yuuri blushes, and Victor laughs softly.

“How bad is it, my little worry wort?”

“Very,” Yuuri says, squeezing his thighs together for emphasis.

Victor nods, “Me too. C’mere.”

Yuuri does, and Victor holds him close. Yuuri sticks his legs out over the edge of the bathtub to sit across Victor’s lap. He rubs his hand over Yuuri’s bladder, and Yuuri groans. Yuuri does the same back as a way of revenge, and Victor hisses and bends forward.

The water slowly becomes a diluted yellow, and Victor groans and pants in Yuuri’s ear as he releases. Yuuri whimpers as his own bladder demands attention, and Victor shushes him softly.

“Go ahead, my Yuuri, what are you waiting for?”

Yuuri tries but nothing comes out.

“I can’t,” he sobs, and Victor nods.

“Let me help, darling,” he says softly, and Yuuri nods frantically.

“Please.”

Victor trails his hand down Yuuri’s stomach until he reaches the swell of Yuuri’s bladder. He presses down hard, and Yuuri lurches forward with a groan as his stream starts. He drops his head back against the bathroom wall and moans, and Victor nuzzles him lovingly.

“So good, my Yuuri… Yuuri. Yuuri!”

Yuuri’s eyes snap open at the loud call of his name.

“It’s okay, Yuuri,” Victor coos before Yuuri can even process what’s happening - weren’t they just in the bathtub - and gently pets Yuuri’s hair, “It’s just an accident, my Yuuri.”

Confused, Yuuri slowly takes in his surroundings. He jerks in surprise when he finds himself in the bedroom, and not in the bathtub, and - oh.

Yuuri clenches his muscles with a whine to stop the flow and, hopefully, save the mattress. Victor smiles sweetly, and strokes Yuuri’s cheek with his thumb.

“All done?” Victor asks, wiping at tears Yuuri didn’t even realize were falling.

His bladder pulses to remind him that he is decidedly not done, but Yuuri can’t risk ruining Victor’s bed, so he nods. Then, he sobs and Victor is pulling him into his arms. Yuuri clutches onto him tightly, and Victor shushes him gently.

“It’s okay, my little worry wort. It’s okay,” Victor repeats.

“I had a dream that I really h-had to go and I - I did, and I guess I really d-did,” Yuuri hiccups, holding onto Victor tighter.

“It’s okay,” Victor says again, “It happens to all of us. It’s alright. Come on, let’s go get you cleaned up, okay?”

Yuuri nods against Victor’s chest. Victor carefully stands and shifts Yuuri into a position that will make it easier to carry him, and all the jostling makes Yuuri leak. He whines and Victor shushes him again.

Victor sets Yuuri down on the bathroom floor, and turns on the shower to let it warm up. The sound of running water makes Yuuri’s bladder protest, and he lurches forward, gripping hard on his upper-thighs and begging his body to keep it together.

“Yuuri, darling,” Victor says, “the toilet is right there, love; you can go.”

Permission is the last thing Yuuri wanted, and with a final whine, his body gives up fighting. Yuuri fills the urine warm the slowly cooling fabric of his pajama bottoms back up, and he sobs at the feeling. Victor makes a sympathetic noise above him, and suddenly its all too much.

The bathtub is reminding him of the dream, and he feels like such an idiot. He sees this bathroom everyday, he should’ve known that it wasn’t real - the dream bathroom had a totally different style!

Victor’s in front of him now, still whispering quiet reassurances, but Yuuri can’t hear it over the blood rushing in his ears. He should’ve known, he would never let Victor see his body where it is at the moment, and besides dream Yuuri didn’t have the extra weight on him, he should’ve known, he should’ve known, he should’ve-

“Yuuri,” Victor says, almost desperately, and the concern in his voice makes Yuuri pay attention, even through his panicked haze. “Yuuri is this a panic attack?”

Is it? Probably, Yuuri decides, registering the tightness in his chest and the way his whole body is shaking.

It’s not a bad one, not even close to the ones he’s had before, but he’s never had a full blown panic attack in front of Victor before, and he looks downright terrified.

Yuuri reaches out for him, more for Victor’s sake than his own, and Victor quickly gathers him in his arms. Victor is shaking nearly as much as Yuuri is, and it takes him a while to realize that it’s because Victor is crying.

“What’s wrong?” Yuuri manages, slowly coming out of it, now that he had something besides his own thoughts that need his immediate attention.

“What’s wrong with you?” Victor asks.

“I just pissed myself,” Yuuri says, bluntly.

“No,” Victor says, squeezing tighter, “No, I mean what’s really wrong?”

“What?” Yuuri asks.

“Yuuri, I listen, I know, okay, I know I can’t push you; every-time I try to push you to talk, you just shut me out and I hate it Yuuri, so I was going to wait until you were ready to talk, because that’s the only way you will, but now you’re having panic attacks and you won’t let me see you, let alone touch you and somedays you’re all over me and others you won’t even look at me and - Yuuri, do you still love me? Like, really love me?”

Yuuri freezes, completely taken aback from Victor’s outburst, and pulls back slowly. Victor drops his head, and Yuuri gently coaxes Victor to look at him.

“I love you, Victor; I never stopped loving you, and I doubt I ever will. We’re engaged, remember?”

Victor sniffles and says, “Being engaged doesn’t mean anything. Plenty of people call off engagements.”

“Do you plan on calling it off?” Yuuri asks, and Victor shrugs.

“Only if you’re not happy with me anymore.”

The heartbroken way Victor says it makes Yuuri’s own heart hurt.

“I am plenty happy with you. I’m my happiest with you,” Yuuri says, honestly.

“Are you, though?” Victor asks, searching Yuuri’s eyes. “Search history stays when Google something on my phone, Yuuri, and I certainly wasn’t the one who Googled how to bring a spark back into a relationship. Can you honestly say that you’ve been nothing but happy these last couple of months?”

Yuuri hesitates, and Victor tries to stifle a sob with his palm.

“No,” Yuuri says slowly, trying to gather his thoughts. “But it has nothing to do with you. I love you, Victor. I’m happy with you, our relationship makes me happy. Other things have been making me sad and anxious, I guess, but it was never something you did.”

“Talk to me,” Victor begs, and Yuuri does.

Yuuri tells him every dark thought he’s had in the past months, about his body, about his relationship with Victor, about Victor seeing his body.

Hell, he even tells Victor about going through his search history to find his kink, and instead of getting mad like Yuuri thought he would, he just laughs softly and says, “Yeah, that sounds like something you would do.”

Yuuri nods, flushing with embarrassment, but he continues. He tells him about the day he compared his body to the other skaters, and why he really left early. He tells him about how he felt the day he kicked Victor out of the bathroom to keep him from seeing Yuuri naked. He tells him about counting the days since Victor last told him he loved him, or held him. Victor looks stricken, and sad, but he never interrupts.

He finishes his stream of words, feeling utterly exhausted, both mentally and physically, but he feels lighter than he has in months. He told Victor everything, and he’s still here, stroking Yuuri’s back lovingly.

“I suppose I should make a confession of my own,” Victor says. “That night I cried because of how stressed I was, it because of all of this.”

Yuuri flinches from guilt, though he had been expecting it.

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri says softly.

“I forgive you,” Victor says, pulling Yuuri close, “Yuuri I love you. I love you so much, my little worry wort, I don’t care about your body. As long as you’re healthy, I don’t care, I will love it no matter what shape its in, because its you. You are the most precious thing in my life, and I’m sorry that I let you forget that, even if it was just for a second.”

Yuuri sobs again, overwhelmed by warm feeling of hearing the words he’d been downright aching to hear for the past couple of months.

“Talk to me next time,” Victor says, voice as wobbly and teary as Yuuri’s.  
“I will,” Yuuri promises, promising to both Victor and himself.

“Good, now lets get you cleaned up.”

“Shower with me?” Yuuri asks, faint blush on his cheeks.

Victor grins cheekily. “I thought you’d never ask.”


End file.
